Special Guest Blog | Josiah Hazel of The Defeated Royals

I forgot that Ryan asked me to guest write a post until about two hours ago. This is my first real blog post, so I thought I’d create a step-by-step guide called:

How To Write A Blog Post And Change The World:
Forcing Star Wars Reference For The Views    

Step 1. Google “how to write a blog post”.
Keep this step in mind for any challenge you may face, e.g. “what is the dark web“ “how to access the dark web” or “why is the NSA following me?”)

Step 2. Read Article Titled “Writing a Blog Post: A Simple Formula to Follow” 
thanks hubspot.com!

Step 3. Follow Article Strictly
The following blog contains no deviation from theme or tangential information.

Step 3a. Understand Your Audience. 
    My in-depth research and analytics team has informed me that my target audience is almost entirely footwear salesmen, which when said out loud, makes the most sense. 
Age range: 32-45. 
Gender: 45% Female, 40% Male. 
Affinity Category: Sports Fans & Cooking Enthusiasts

Step 3b. Start With A Topic and Working Title.
    Honestly, I’m not sure what topic to write about. I spend a lot of time worrying about disappointing people and doing a good job. I often get so far into my own head and I feel that what I have to say couldn't possibly be important. I’ll sit and delete paragraphs and self-destruct but maybe that’s where I should start.

Topic: DIY Tips For Confidence

Working Title (chosen for optimum captivation power & personal interest): 
Han Solo vs. Captain Mal and Captain Beefheart

Step 3d. Write An Intro (and Make It Captivating)
    Hold on to your seats, because this blog is going from real space to hyperspace. (here is where I've hooked the audience in with suspense and made good on my promises made in the working title)
    I had a friend, who I’ll call Captain Mal, because he was much smarter, wittier and talented than me (here i, again, tie in the article with the working title) I tried to imitate him and match everything he did. I would try and listen to every song he did, style myself after him and duplicate his affectations. There’s still a lot of what I do that is a residual mimicry of Captain Mal. Read on to find out what happens next! (here is where the audience can do nothing else but read on, because if they don’t they will be left with an anxiety that can only be sated by more.)

Step 3e. Write!
    This is the hardest step for me. This is the part where I feel vulnerable and exposed. It’s difficult for me and, if I can assume, a lot of people to feel like they are not good enough. There are a million people who compensate for this feeling by acting as if they do feel good enough. There are a million people who let the feeling win. If there’s one thing I've learned, and feel confident enough to preach about, it is that this pressure and feeling isn't going away. When I was 14 I kind of assumed that once I turned 18 I wouldn't feel like that. I assumed that eventually I would look in the mirror and say “I’m okay with this.” or I would look up at everyone taller than me and go “I’m okay with my height”. Maybe I still will one day. 
    Who you are is pretty easily confused with the giant pile of things other people say you are.
    The hard part is distinguishing what is or is not authentic. Everyone is defined in some way by other people. Everyone changes behaviors, fits in, opts out because of something someone said. Sometimes you find out that you actually like Captain Beefheart because Mal said, “hey, check this out.” Sometimes you find out you actually hate Captain Beefheart, because it turns out that Mal sucks. And now you want to spend most of your time throwing Trout Mask Replica at him. Either way, you come out of the situation learning something about yourself. If you learn you only liked the music because you thought Mal was cool, then great, use that for the next time someone shows you music. If you learn, that even though Jeff was a jerk, you still like the music, that’s great too, because now you know you like Captain Beefheart. You can pretend less, you can pretend more. You will continue to change. Just keep in mind that it’s you changing and growing. It’s you who grew a little because of Mal. When you discover something about yourself, if it’s good or bad, use it to change for the better.
    These days I’ve found that being aware of my insecurities and the catalysts that cause the voices in my head to get loud has helped me manage them. I’ve discovered that everyone, no matter how confident they seem feels insecure about something. This doesn't means that when l meet people who are 6-8 inches taller than me I don’t feel weird about it. But I can also have the confidence that they are probably dealing with the same crap in different ways. They’re just like me. Sort of. They’re like me but taller, you know? But, basically. They’re also probably jealous because they’ll never be as good as me at hide and seek. My guess is that most of them hated basketball and wanted to be coxswains or race-horse jockeys or something but they never got to live their dreams. 
    Everyone is afraid of what everyone else thinks of them. I think that’s probably obvious. It’s also something that I need to be reminded of. It’s something that can give me the courage to write blog posts and only be a little afraid that people will think it’s stupid. 
    We’re all keeping it together as much as the next person, which is to say using the cheapest glue we could find at Walmart (not a sponsor). We’re all trying to figure out human connection together. Other people will influence you and you will influence other people. Let them affect you, let yourself change them. And always, always give more than you take. 

Step 4. Be Really Apologetic and Ruin the Blog Post by Ending it Badly
     It’s probably good that this is due soon, instead of giving me the amount of editing time I’d like (5 days). I’m not sure, I think feel pretty good with post. Not sure there’s a ton of answers. But I’m not sure those are necessary. I also wouldn't want to attempt them if I didn't have them. Sorry if it is unreadable. Anyway, you can contact me with thoughts on this! We can try some cyberhuman connection if you want to find me on twitter @josiahhazel or follow my poorly updated blog at josiahhazel.tumblr.com

Posted on March 11, 2015 and filed under Blog, Independent Ear.